My rant that turned into not so much of a rant

ENG 101-DAILY BLOG 9-13

                So here we are again on the freewrite, and not knowing what I want to write about, I’m going to rant. I am not used to full time school. I don’t know if I mentioned this but a little over a year ago I had a heart transplant. Now I could blog till the hashtags come home about that but I just wanted to say that the recovery form this has not been the easiest, especially the emotional side of things. I used to be able to handle a workload, I could do one thing while three other things were going on and juggle everything flawlessly like a circus act. But now I just don’t have the energy, the get up and go. I might as well label myself Captain Procrastinate. Now I don’t like talking about this. I feel as though, and rightfully so, that I don’t have a right to feel anything but overwhelmingly grateful to have been given another chance at life. I feel horrible for complaining because I don’t feel like getting up and doing school, or walking dogs, or going to Cardio therapy. These are thing I should be thinking God I can do. I have always been a guy who needs regular down time, needs to chill out and kick the body and brain into neutral, but my life has sped up to a rate I can’t control. Maybe that’s why I feel this impending dark cloud rolling in. I’m afraid I won’t be able to carry all this and I will falter and fail… I hate failing…me and failing have never got along, I’m not the kind of guy that welcomes it to learn a new lesson, brush off my knees, get up, and keep going. I say I am so I keep a positive aura about myself but I really feel deep inside, “I hat failure”. I hate failure all the way to the point of not doing things I know I’m not good at. Why if I might fail? But has this really held me back? I guess it’s a fear I have to faced, I must set the example. I wouldn’t want my children to run from their fears like this. I think it would be important to face fears like this and not be afraid to fail. Well I guess that’s my rant, not really a rant, but off my chest to an extent nonetheless. I bet ya’ll are really confused with me now. See you tomorrow. Have a peaceful night.