Numbness...

ENG 101-DAILY BLOG 9-29

            A man walks out his house, slowly as if in a dream or like the world had changed or stopped and gone numb. It is almost dark, to the point that you can still make out familiar colors in the silhouettes of twilight. Something’s in his hand. It’s a key…but not his key. There is a Jeep in his drive way, not his Jeep. His wife and daughter head towards the vehicle. He figures he might as well also. They start their GPS and drive and drive and get lost and drive some more. Finally they arrive at their destination. They walk in, unsure of what’s going to happen. They know why they are here, the fighting, the yelling, the disrespect. Staying out late, not getting up in the morning, disappearing for hours on end. But now only confusion, no surety, and the feeling of a depressing ending. They wait in the waiting room for hours. Finally, they come and show them to their room. They take the daughters vitals, ask her to change, Dad excuses himself. When Dad returns they wait some more. Mom falls asleep, Dad and daughter watch TV. Daughter can’t decide what to watch, cooking show…click, Law and Order…click, shopping network…click. Finally Law and Order. They watch in silence and then finally the daughter, and then the Dad fall asleep.

            They are finally woke, and told they are ready to be moved to intake. A nurse and a security guard take the daughter, and instruct the parents to get in their car and they will need to drive around the building and go to another facility to further their intake, and to please follow the security guard. So the parents silently, stumble back out to the Jeep that is not theirs, they get in and start it up, and begin driving. Shortly they see the security car which is apparently leading them on. They follow the car to another building, they get out and follow in the nurse, the daughter, and the guard. They are lead into what looks like a cell, or an interrogation room. They are greeted with smiles and cheery dispositions, but it doesn’t change the feeling any. They are told it might be awhile, so if they are hungry they have sandwiches and TV dinners, stuff to drink, and offered blankets. They all have some juice and ask for blankets. It’s then suggested that it may be awhile, but they should take a nap. There was no TV, the view out the window is blocked. And there is three soft, plushy chairs, one hard chair, and a round table. After some time their blankets are brought and the lights are turned off. The girls goes to sleep. The Dad sits awake in the darkness. He wonders how he got here, how he managed to be in a locked room staring out at nothing with a single white blanket again. Hadn’t he promised himself to never find himself in this situation again?

            When he wakes in the morning, it is by his wife. She is going to get needed things from home. Home, he wanted to go so bad, but his place was here, keeping his daughter safe. So stay he did. He covered back up and went to sleep. When he was woke again it was day light. Someone, who had apparently had her coffee this morning, came in and stated very loudly that it was time to wake up, and she was the intake worker. The first thing she wanted was his chair. He moved to his wife’s chair and settled in, as he heard her say “Alright sweety, it’s time to get up, I need to talk to you.” His daughter woke up and got situated in her chair. And then the questions came. Are you depressed? Has anyone hurt you? Do you want to hurt yourself? What brought you here today….And then she showed her. First one arm and then the other, cuts. Cuts, and cuts, and cuts every which way. There must have been 200 or more cuts on her arms, with more on her legs. Why would you do this to yourself? Do you take drugs? “Yes, marijuana” she said. Do you drink? “Yes” she said. How much? “3 or 4 times a week.” How much when you drink? “I drank half a bottle of cherry vodka before I came in today.” The Dad’s head just dropped in his hands. Now he knew why he was here, now he knew what he had done to deserve to be here. He had not provided the right upbringing for his daughter. He had failed. And then, a knock at the door. It opens. A nurse pokes her head in and says ”Mom is here.” He got up and went to the lobby where mom was waiting for him. They hugged, they kissed, small talk for immediate needs and then she went back. He sat down, numb, other parents in the lobby blindly staring ahead or at the morning news, some crying, some too tired to reflect any emotion, no one trying to look at each other. One time he heard the door open and a nurse came out, followed by his wife, followed by his daughter. She glanced over as if knowing the Dad was there and he looked back at her with mourning eyes, quickly she looked away. A little while later the wife returned, no daughter, no hug. The Dad got up and followed the wife, confused, was this the last he’d see of his daughter? Numbness…